Rights and Responsibilities

Hi there fellow bloggers, readers and lurkers! Due to my own recent personal growth and questioning myself, I have decided to look into whether two partners involved in ttwd have inherent rights and responsibilities that come with their roles. Now to me, ttwd encompasses all of the various labels we give ourselves. Whether it's DD, CDD, D/s, Hoh/tih, whatever you call it- if it involves power exchange that's what I am interested in.  The reason for my interest is that I think the version of ttwd in my head is invariably different than what's in my husband's head. For example, I believe he has the right to be spoken to and treated with, respect (from me) at all times. I believe that he has the responsibility to help make me aware of instances where I fail to do so and take whatever steps he deems necessary to ensure that I remember to be respectful in the future. We have never had a frank discussion about this exact topic, it's just kind of implied, so I don't really know what he thinks about that. This is just one example out of many, and I know that every person will have different ideas, even some that will conflict with how I see things. That's ok! That's a good thing! Diversity among us is essential, otherwise we would bore each other to tears :)
I would like to ask that if anyone who reads this has any personal input to give, as to what their relationship looks like in terms of the rights and responsibilities of each partner, please leave a comment with as much information as you are comfortable. I am in the process of making a worksheet of sorts that lists potential rights and responsibilities of two partners, so that I can go through and check the box for things that are important to me. I will also give my husband Ash a copy and have him mark whether an item(in his opinion) is essential, not essential, or don't care. I think it could be such a useful tool to have! But upon looking around online, all I have found are bdsm contracts that list specific activities such as breath play or figging, which is fine if I want to know what activities my husband likes.  But what I am looking for is deeper.  I have a feeling many of you will understand :)
So as I work on my list, I would love it if you guys would take a minute and talk about what this type of list would look like for you.  If you are a sub, tih, disciplined wife, etc, what do you feel you rights are? What about responsibilities to your partner and to the relationship? What about Hohs, Doms, and strict husbands? How do you feel about your rights and responsibilities towards your partner and to the relationship itself? Ladies, don't be afraid to ask your partner to chime in! Also, if I am a complete dweeb and there is a list somewhere on the internet that I totally missed, feel free to send me a link. I look forward to what each of you has to say about this :)

Car Trouble

Apparently I am a terrible "side-seat driver".  Ash was driving me to an appointment early this morning and I thought he was going just a smidge too fast.  We were in the left lane and I asked him, "Isn't that a state patrol car we're about to pass?" as innocently as possible.  I got the side-glare, and "No, darling, we are not going to pass him.  But if we did, it would be fine as he's driving slowly." The only other comment I had made about his driving that morning was to ask why he was always either on the brake or on the gas. The way he drives just doesn't make any sense to me, I guess. If I see a red light coming up, I let up on the gas until I brake. Ash, on the other hand, just goes from gas to brake.  Now, don't get me wrong, he is a very safe driver, but he doesn't do it my way.  And for some reason I have the hardest time keeping quiet in the car! 

This is what I want to do

But this is what I end up doing

I really don't mean to, but I keep thinking that I would want him to tell me if I was speeding or going the wrong long way or in danger of missing a turn :)  I really think that if I cloned myself and I drove with my self, I would appreciate all the helpful advice I would give me. 

But Ash does not feel that way :(  So when we were near the end of our journey and I reminded him that the speed limit was now 45 and he was still going almost 55, he got fed up with me. I was told to hush it and let him drive. I know you may think I had it coming, and I probably did. But if you knew all the thousand things I DIDN'T say(but reallyreallyreally wanted to!)during that 20 minute trip, you might've gotten your feelings a bit hurt too.  I had a couple of hours to think about things until he picked me up, and I felt bad after a while. I guess my trust in his driving skills is more important to him than helping him avoid potential issues.  Now, if I could just find some way to make it easier to keep my mouth shut! When we got home he threatened to make me sit in the back seat from now on if I can't keep quiet.  I soooo don't want that to happen, so I guess I better take up a hobby that I can do in the car. Wish me luck!

Twisted sense of V-day humor

Happy Valentine's Day! I went to google images because I was sure I could find a candy heart that said "spank me" to go along with a post I was planning. I did, indeed find one. However, there are some very interesting things that have been put on candy that tickle my funny bone, and if I don't share them my laugh box might explode! I googled "valentine candy hearts" and here is what I found:

I hope all of you out there in blogland get sweet messages and good-girl spankings :)

Shout Out!

Hi everyone, 
I would just like to take a moment to thank Chross for including me in his post Spankings of the Week on February 8th. When I logged into blogger today, I saw that I had 1,786 site visits for my blog for that day, whereas my normal is maybe a couple hundred.  His blog must be very popular! So thank you Chross, and happy "hump day" to all!

Laughing During Punishment

I kind of blew my own mind last night.  Ash and I had been having a very enjoyable evening together and went upstairs for bed around midnight.  I went into the bathroom to get ready and he got into bed.  When I came to get into bed, he was under his blankets and left mine in a pile! I hurried to get everything untangled and was flipping blankets all around when he asked me "What are you pissed off about?" I told him I wasn't, just trying to get my side of the bed situated and I was cold.  It took me a few minutes to finish with the blankets and another couple to get comfortable, all the while I was apparently "making pissy breathing noises and huffing my breath out like I was mad".  When I was finally settled, Ash grabbed my face in his hands and asked me again what was wrong. I, of course, said "Nothing!" because I wasn't mad, maybe annoyed that he left my side of the bed a mess.....but it was late and I wanted to move on to more fun activities :) Well, that is not what ended up happening.
Convinced I was upset(I was sure I wasn't), Ash continued to talk to me, and then started lecturing....but I interrupted him. Twice. In a row! I didn't really mean to, but I was trying to come to my own defense. Besides, now I was mad because he was making fun of my pouty face(which I most definitely was not

Lessons on Forgetting

I can't believe what a wonderful man I am married too.  It shocks and awes me sometimes to know that he understands me so well, often better than I understand myself.  This morning after I got out of the shower(I was still in my towel)my husband waited until I was in a part of our bedroom with little room to move and got out the big scary wood paddle that he calls "The Motivator" and immediately began to spank me. Not incredibly hard, but fast.  No words, just spanking. I was in tears immediately for several reasons: I had been watching a sad show that morning so my tear ducts were primed, there was no warning so I wasn't mentally prepared for a spanking, it hurt, and I wasn't sure if I had done something to upset him. It took every ounce of self-control I had to stand there and take it.
 It lasted less than a minute but I was sobbing when it was over, and he held me.  Every time I am spanked and I cry he always asks me "Why are you crying?" not because he thinks I should toughen up but as a way to check in with me and make sure I'm okay.  This time I had a hard time calming down, I think due to the suddenness of it all.  After I was intelligible again he explained that he wasn't upset with me, it was just the promised continuation of a punishment from last night.
So the backstory: Last night at bedtime I was annoyed with something he was doing, and instead of communicating with him, I just did a bunch of huffy breaths and didn't want to talk.  Well folks, that is not allowed, but I guess I forgot that last night.  We were upstairs where all the bedrooms are so he just used a plastic hanger to spank me for a minute after he lectured me(and got me to talk) because it's a really quiet implement and it stings a lot.  After we were done and I apologized we got in bed and he said "You're lucky it was so late and the motivator was so loud. How's your butt?"  I told him it was fine, just a little warm, and he said "Well then maybe I'll just use it tomorrow."  I told him I hoped he would forget, then we went to bed.
Back to the present: So after my spanking this morning, he looked at me and told me "I just wanted you to know that I won't forget you," then hugged me.  It took me a good couple of minutes or so afterward to have those feelings of thankfulness bloom inside my heart, but bloom they did, as big as a dahlia.  As much as I hated that spanking, I appreciate that he did it, and why.  I am one lucky girl :)

Last Night's Flogging.....Homemade!

About a month ago I decided to make a new weapon for my husband's arsenal.  We had been struggling to find a quiet way for him to spank me when I decided to make him a flogger out of paracord.  I had read that they were quiet and moderately stingy so I went to Home Depot and bought the rope, then set to making it as soon as I got home.  I didn't follow anyone's directions, just kind of winged it (I do that a lot, with everything!) but it turned out just like the one pictured here except for the loop on the handle.  It has turned out to be his favorite implement lately! When used moderately it produces a pleasant warming tingle.  But..... Ash is not always a moderate man, that thing bites when he swings it hard.  Last night I needed a spanking to help me cope with the pain of a chronic condition(questions? read Here) and I had already been spanked with the big wooden spatula earlier in the day for my attitude.  I wasn't sore, but I asked him if he could start off easy and work up to full swing since I wasn't in trouble.  He kind of chuckled at me.  I had thought that the 20 or so hard swats I got earlier in the kitchen were sufficient restitution for my earlier attitude, but apparently he didn't because he did about 5 strokes medium and then immediately went to full-force swings.  The tears flowed then. I started out in the position he calls "head down ass up" on the bed, but after about a minute I gradually lay flat as it was far too painful to hold position.  After about 5 minutes just as I was relaxing into the pain, he stopped. Normally I can't wait for him to be finished, but I had just "progressed to the next level"(I don't know what else to call it--when the strokes are just as hard but a bit easier to take after a few minutes?) and wanted him to keep going.  But, it was late and past my bedtime.  I went to bed with a smile and a rosy bottom. The flogger has no thud whatsoever, just sting, and it doesn't last for more than half an hour, so I'm sitting pretty today.  I was promised a repeat tonight :)