Monday, February 24, 2014

Rights and Responsibilities

Hi there fellow bloggers, readers and lurkers! Due to my own recent personal growth and questioning myself, I have decided to look into whether two partners involved in ttwd have inherent rights and responsibilities that come with their roles. Now to me, ttwd encompasses all of the various labels we give ourselves. Whether it's DD, CDD, D/s, Hoh/tih, whatever you call it- if it involves power exchange that's what I am interested in.  The reason for my interest is that I think the version of ttwd in my head is invariably different than what's in my husband's head. For example, I believe he has the right to be spoken to and treated with, respect (from me) at all times. I believe that he has the responsibility to help make me aware of instances where I fail to do so and take whatever steps he deems necessary to ensure that I remember to be respectful in the future. We have never had a frank discussion about this exact topic, it's just kind of implied, so I don't really know what he thinks about that. This is just one example out of many, and I know that every person will have different ideas, even some that will conflict with how I see things. That's ok! That's a good thing! Diversity among us is essential, otherwise we would bore each other to tears :)
I would like to ask that if anyone who reads this has any personal input to give, as to what their relationship looks like in terms of the rights and responsibilities of each partner, please leave a comment with as much information as you are comfortable. I am in the process of making a worksheet of sorts that lists potential rights and responsibilities of two partners, so that I can go through and check the box for things that are important to me. I will also give my husband Ash a copy and have him mark whether an item(in his opinion) is essential, not essential, or don't care. I think it could be such a useful tool to have! But upon looking around online, all I have found are bdsm contracts that list specific activities such as breath play or figging, which is fine if I want to know what activities my husband likes.  But what I am looking for is deeper.  I have a feeling many of you will understand :)
So as I work on my list, I would love it if you guys would take a minute and talk about what this type of list would look like for you.  If you are a sub, tih, disciplined wife, etc, what do you feel you rights are? What about responsibilities to your partner and to the relationship? What about Hohs, Doms, and strict husbands? How do you feel about your rights and responsibilities towards your partner and to the relationship itself? Ladies, don't be afraid to ask your partner to chime in! Also, if I am a complete dweeb and there is a list somewhere on the internet that I totally missed, feel free to send me a link. I look forward to what each of you has to say about this :)


  1. These are just some of the things that I feel we each are responsible for. Just so you know my Daddies and I have a Master/slave and DD/bg dynamic. I don't mind sharing either so if you have more questions please feel free to let me know.

    Some of the responsibilities for me be ready to serve and to try and be one step ahead of his needs, to be a safe haven of peace when life is in turmoil. I realize that I have an opinion and I can express it respectfully but he has the final say. To understand that when he is busy, especially with work and things he has no control over that the couple minutes he takes to say hi or he loves me are precious.

    I believe they have much more responsibility. They need to be there in times of need whether for cuddles or protection. They provide guidance and encouragement, pushing my limits and making me try new things. To ask my opinion and really take it into account before making a final decision that affects all of us. To recognize when I am in little mode and why and to take steps accordingly. to never use physical punishment when he is angry. To make sure I get the proper aftercare.

    That is just some of them. Hope it helps and like I said, let me know if you have questions.

    1. Hi Baby C,
      Thanks for responding! I imagine in a DD/bg dynamic that they would definitely have more responsibility :)

  2. I am not sure if I understand fully, but I'll answer the best I can from what I think you mean.

    For us, I have a role, and rules, but also rights.
    - I am allowed to share my opinion, but I must do so I'm a respectful tone, without interrupting
    - I am allowed to decide what needs to be done around the house, bit I must do something e dry single day but Sunday so that I don't get over whelmed
    - I am allowed to say that I need him for this or that, but am not allowed to insist that it be right at that moment unless it is an emergency
    - I am to be open and receptive to his touch day or night, allowances are made if I really am too tired or sick to function
    - I am to have meals cooked six nights a week, but I am allowed to decide what they will be

    I am not sure though if any of this is what you meant...

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

    1. Hi EsMay,
      Yes, this is what I was thinking of. It occurred to me after I read your comment that I might have more accurately named this post "Expectations", as some aspects might be both a right and a responsibility, such as the Hoh's ability to correct certain behaviors. I like how what you said falls under the broad spectrum of "be respectful" AND that you included details such as "I can share my opinions". In my household, it is not only my right, but my responsibility to share how I think/feel about most situations(except his driving, of course!) Thank you for your input :)