Saturday, March 1, 2014

I Screwed Up!

This is me in the morning. I really, really and truly, loathe waking up early and getting out of my warm cozy bed. 

I get up before the sun M-F to prepare breakfast 3 different times and get children to where they need to be.  It's not too difficult, they are sooo worth it, and if I could change anything at all it would be the hour I get up. But, I am very much a night owl and I am just bad company in the morning. My family knows this so they don't try to strike up conversations with me till after the sunrise :)  In the last couple of months, however, Ash decided that just because I don't want to be awake doesn't mean I can be grumpy towards everyone so he is working with me on that. He's right of course, infuriatingly so.  But that doesn't make it any easier to smile and serve as soon as I get up. 
Being the wonderful man that my husband is, sometimes he lets me take naps in the morning. The other day after getting up at normal time and making breakfast for child #1(I think she shall be called SassyPants) I found out that the schools were on a 2 hour delay. So I got to go back to bed for a couple hours while Ash got up with the younger kids. I was in a deep sleep when he came to get me up saying "Honey I need you to get up right now. I started cooking but I don't know how to finish it and it's in the pan cooking....." I was disoriented and grumpy, but I got up and went to assess the damage. 
Before I tell you what I did(I can hear the gasps of shock and the tsk tsks already!) I just want you to know that I am claiming temporary insanity on this one. 
So I found that the meal hadn't been properly prepared or cooked, but I was able to save it. I started in on him right away. "Why did you start this when you clearly don't know what you are doing?" "What did I tell you about cooking this the last time you tried?" "Next time just come get me before you kill everything" These were all phrases I uttered angrily to him in the span of 2 minutes, ending with the finale: the dreaded and forbidden "W" word. "Whatever!"
All of this over him trying to be helpful and start something for me. When I used the "W" word, he got fed up and raised his voice just the teensiest bit, and ordered me to go sit down on the couch, saying I was being ridiculous and that he didn't need this right now. I knew right then what a witch-with-a-B I had been, and I was so sorry.  On top of that, I was hurt that he raised his voice to me. He doesn't yell, but I am a sensitive girl.
I knew better than to argue(finally, my first moment of sanity all day!)so I went and curled myself into a ball in the corner of the couch. I cried. He cooked. It felt like a time-out to me, and I was now in shock over my behavior. I was appalled and so ashamed. After 10 minutes or so he came to talk to me. I don't remember exactly what he said because I was still in a morning fog and also sobbing. But I remember him telling me that disrespect will not be tolerated, that I belong to him, and that he loves me. I was still so overwhelmed that I just wanted to be alone, so he let me go take a shower while he got the kids off to school. 
When I was done and dressed he was back and we talked. I was calmer and awake now, but still very shocked and horrified by my actions and feeling very guilty. He asked if I was upset with him, or scared because he "yelled" at me.
 Shock on top of shock I tell you!

 Upset with him? I explained to him that what he did was NOT yelling, and he was justified in his actions. It did hurt my feelings, but I was way out of line and I pushed him there. We made up and tried to go about our day, but as I was unloading the dishwasher he came up to me and said "You need a whoopin' don't you?"  Gosh! What does a girl say to that? I just nodded my head. He said " Ok, but you have to choose what I use. Make the right choice or this will be much worse for you."  I was soooo not expecting this! But I was pretty sure I knew what he wanted to hear, so I chose the big wood paddle he calls "The Motivator", which I Hate.  "Good choice" he said with a big grin.  So I was quite thoroughly "motivated".  But after it was over and he hugged me, all the guilt went away and we were both happy again. We went on to have a great day together :) Lovely how that works!

Btw- I do have a follow-up planned to my last post, "Rights and Responsibilities", I am just waiting on Ash to review it :)


  1. Thank you for sharing this River. I can't say I'm not a morning person, but I still get very frustrated with myself and inanimate objects. Often Barney stares at me like a deer caught in the headlights. Sometimes he tried to take over and that is when Ms Stubborn here digs her heels in.
    While I know you were disappointed in yourself, and your actions that day, it is huge that you were disappointed in yourself and your actions that day.
    Strange and wonderful how that all turns out. Ah to be relieved of the guilt.

    1. Hi Willie,
      It's hard for me sometimes to admit what a goob I can be, to myself, to my husband, and to everyone in blogland. But humility helps me stay submissive :) Thanks for reading!

      Love, River

  2. It can be so hard to become a morning person when you aren't one. {{{hugs}}}. And to be honest, it's so hard to have a filter when you first wake up.;). I am so glad that you guys got to talk, and that he's taking his role seriously. :) Sounds like you have a really great man there.

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

    1. Thanks EsMay, he is pretty awesome :) I will eventually win the battle of the morning vs my attitude!

  3. I feel horrible when I blow up over things that in retrospect were not worth my over the top emotion. I know how much it makes my husband feel disrespected and it's really hard to get over. Enter the "whoopin'" is shocking how well it works to set things right. Glad you are feeling better.

    BTW...don't love pre dawn so much either. Ack.

    1. I hate to say it, but maybe it's a girl thing? Ash is always so reasonable and never gets upset over dumb stuff.......that makes it so much worse when I do, but thankfully he knows how to deal with me!

  4. I used to stay up late and not want to get up either. I would have said I was an afternoon person lol. I finally decided to get myself on a schedule and it really helped a lot. Maybe you could try getting to bed sooner so you wake up in a better refreshed sort of state? I know it is hard especially when you are so used to doing something a certain way. We are creatures of habit.

    Sorry your morning went so yuckily the other day but I am glad it is sorted out now. I couldn't comment when I was at the hotel or I would have!!!


    1. Hi Sara,
      I am on kind of a schedule, in that I am always in bed by 11 at the latest, but usually by 10:30. I would go to bed earlier but I hate being sent to bed by myself so I try to hold out for Ash. I am seeing a sleep therapist this morning to see if they can assess whether there might need to be some changes, and yes we are definitely creatures of habit! For several years I worked all night and slept in the morning, and my body still hasn't gotten over it 5 years later! Thanks for stopping by :)