Friday, October 13, 2017

Butterflies

I still get butterflies in my stomach and tingles..... elsewhere..... when he gives me that look, or takes of his belt after a day at work,  or says,  "young lady." Daddy is pretty lenient with me, and his rules are generally easy to follow,  so I don't get in trouble very often. Even when I do, my punishments are pretty bearable. What can I say,  he loves me soooo much! But sometimes,  I wonder what it would be like if he were stricter, or maybe not necessarily that word, but he puts up with a lot of pouting and little things from me,  and although I sometimes get attitude re - sets if I ask for them,  sometimes I fantasize about being taken upstairs when I'm being crabby and taken to task right then and there.  Part of me craves the security of that instant,  "no way, not now,  not ever, " without having done anything very serious.  To make a long story short:  I crave his discipline,  but I don't want to do anything on purpose to provoke him, because I love him and hate actually disappointing him.  I've kind of tried,  but I don't know how to ask for what I want.  He makes me happy in so very many ways, every day,  that I feel a little guilty asking for more! I know I am not alone in the craving for discipline,  but sometimes it sure feels like it,  when I can't talk to anyone about this in person. Maybe what I really mean to say,  is that I want to be held to a higher standard,  and his enforcing that standard means he knows I am capable of more.....

Friday, October 6, 2017

A little of this, a little of that

My Daddy is pretty attentive. That said, I am a girl. I don't always say exactly what I mean and sometimes I am good at hiding what I don't want him to know(at the time). Oh, he can tell when I'm out of sorts,  or upset.  But when life gets too be too much, and my adult leadership/big girl responsibilities are too much for the moment and all I want is time with my Daddy? I try to hide that.  I'm afraid he will be put off by my neediness. I'm afraid to ask for his dominance.  I find it difficult sometimes to have to switch fromalpha at work to sub at home. And, I'm afraid/hopeful he will want to remedy my feelings with a spanking. What is it that makes me love and crave the sadist in him? Sometimes in my fantasies, he will give me pain,  and tell me to take it, simply because he wants me to have it,  and I LIKE THAT!?! Yes I do. As much as I need my caring Daddy who is sensitive to my feelings and needs,  I also crave the stern, can't change his mind,  disciplinarian who will make me take  everything I deserve,  plus a little bit more. Am I high maintenance? Some would say so.