Friday, October 13, 2017

Butterflies

I still get butterflies in my stomach and tingles..... elsewhere..... when he gives me that look, or takes of his belt after a day at work,  or says,  "young lady." Daddy is pretty lenient with me, and his rules are generally easy to follow,  so I don't get in trouble very often. Even when I do, my punishments are pretty bearable. What can I say,  he loves me soooo much! But sometimes,  I wonder what it would be like if he were stricter, or maybe not necessarily that word, but he puts up with a lot of pouting and little things from me,  and although I sometimes get attitude re - sets if I ask for them,  sometimes I fantasize about being taken upstairs when I'm being crabby and taken to task right then and there.  Part of me craves the security of that instant,  "no way, not now,  not ever, " without having done anything very serious.  To make a long story short:  I crave his discipline,  but I don't want to do anything on purpose to provoke him, because I love him and hate actually disappointing him.  I've kind of tried,  but I don't know how to ask for what I want.  He makes me happy in so very many ways, every day,  that I feel a little guilty asking for more! I know I am not alone in the craving for discipline,  but sometimes it sure feels like it,  when I can't talk to anyone about this in person. Maybe what I really mean to say,  is that I want to be held to a higher standard,  and his enforcing that standard means he knows I am capable of more.....

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