Monday, May 29, 2017


I am finally in a place where I am mostly just accepting of my need for discipline. Sometimes it's frustrating, and sometimes, just briefly, I wish I didn't need it. But then I remember how strong and intimate my marriage is, and how much I continue to grow. It's not always easy to humble myself and accept it with grace and gratitude,  but I'm working on that. I don't enjoy the actual discipline, of course, because ouch! But the after-effects are great! What I am struggling with the most right now is asking for spankings when I need them, before corrective measures are necessary, and keeping my tone respectful at all times. My husband is great at pointing out when I'm not, but sometimes waits to correct me for too long, or lets me get away with it for fear of being too harsh and breaking my spirit(my words, not his-but I think he would agree). I wish he would be a bit more consistent with that, although we have both grown by leaps and bounds in this area in the last year. I have talked with him about it before, and it gets better for a while, but then life happens and we get busy, and sometimes I get the "he obviously doesn't care so why should I?" attitude, even though in my heart I know that's not true. We always sort it out, but I hope that someday we will be able to avoid that place. It helps that I go to him, more often than not, when I am feeling needy. I just wish he was psychic, and could tell what I need, and how much I need, without me having to say anything!

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Lucky Girl

Some days I realize just how blessed I am to have a husband who takes such good care of me. Some days I appreciate the ways he helps me make the best decisions and guides me to do what's best for me. But some days, I just want what I want and I don't want to answer to anybody. My inner brat kicks in and I throw a fit, or I feel a shift in me where I am taking control back, even if just emotionally.  But, one thing I've been working really hard on is communicating my feelings to my husband, in the moment as they're happening. In the past, I've distanced myself or just pretended I was fine, and only later admitted what was troubling me. But I've found there's far less drama and crying for me when I simply deal with things as they come up. If only I could stop my inner brat in her tracks more often......I always want to blame it on my Husband and say "If you were stricter with me maybe I'd be less bratty" but then when he is more strict I complain too. There is just no pleasing me I guess. But we have talked about doing maintenance more often in the future, and I think that will help. Life is just very busy, and our kids are always around, and at ages where them hearing anything has to be out of the question. But we do have a quiet implement, even though I hate it. I guess I really miss the days where he and I used to be at home together while the kids were at school. Now he doesn't work from home anymore and I also work full time, so there is very rarely a moment when we are alone together except in the car.  Luckily he is very good at helping me stay where I need to be verbally, but every once in a while, I think I need a "master reset", you know? On a happy note, we are making progress with our Christmas shopping and having a great time with our kiddos :)
Christmas is coming and I can't wait!

Friday, August 26, 2016

I'm Back!

Hello Blogland! How I've missed you!!!
I have spent the last year and a half wondering how everyone here was doing, and missing the understanding words of women who understand me. My separation from you all was a side effect of me taking some very much-needed time to work on my physical and emotional well-being, and I am now in a much better place than I've ever been.  I have lost 65 pounds and have become a runner and learned to practice yoga. My marriage is in a really great place, although we are just getting back into the swing of the more physical aspects of DD.  I asked to be spanked last night, and my wishes were happily granted.  My husband spanked me with a belt just until that pivotal moment before the tears began to flow, when true acceptance of my powerlessness sets in. It was just what I needed, even though I was tempted to ask for more later, but I was too sleepy.  I look forward to re-acquainting myself with Blogland and all of you, but that's all for now :)

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Life and Bruises

Man, life is sure happening.  This time of year is when we settle into new routines and enjoy earlier bedtimes.  There is  a definite chill in the air where I live, leaves are turning gorgeous colors, gardens are being harvested one last time.  Best of all, my husband has changed his schedule at work so that he's available more often....sometimes even when the kids are in school!  It's been great to hang out with him more, and he's definitely taken the opportunity to tease, torment, and satisfy me more often :) 

I don't know if this is normal or not, but usually beyond getting red, my bottom no longer marks, so we haven't seen bruises on me in quite a while.  But a few days ago, Ash decided to switch things up and made me spread my legs as I bent over the back of our big chair, so he could reach the inside of my cheeks, and thoroughly worked me over with the horrible holey plastic spoon.  He kept stopping to have me service him though, so I got mini breaks and didn't realize just how bad it had gotten back there.  I was sore for sure, even had to play on the tablet on my tummy, which I don't usually need to do.  But it didn't occur to me to look at the damage until the following day when I was exiting the shower(and then only cause it was still so tender!).  I was really surprised to find several tiny bruises on one side and a lemon-sized purple splotch on the other. Unfortunately, I think that area will soon be a bruise-free zone too like the rest of my bottom. It kind of sucks not having marks show up anymore, because when all that's left is a slight redness after a few hours, he might think he didn't do a good enough job!

I keep thinking of things I would like to post about, but only having internet access two days a week is cramping my style in that department, plus I'm super busy.  Managing the day to day kid stuff, serving my husband full time, and cooking all our food from scratch is about all I am up to right now anyway, so unfortunately all I have right now is mundane updates. I am still  slowly working on my novel, only about an hour a day, so I probably won't be finished for a year at this rate.  But the next time I post I should be in a place where I can include an interesting, if not spicy, excerpt.

Until then, I leave you with this loving image  :)

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Is it "Bratting", And is it Preventable?

Hello to everyone in the Land! I have enjoyed mostly lurking on your blogs lately, but I do miss commenting! I have very little time on the internet these days, as Ash has shifted my focus to other tasks and activities. In my last post, I was excited/nervous about the return of nearly everyday spankings since our little clan has gone back to school. Ash and I had both assumed that we'd just pick up where we left off in June and it would pretty much be the same: He spanks me long and hard at least 4 days a week.  But we didn't take into account the personal growth that has occurred in each of us individually and in our relationship.

The past 3 months have provided us with PLENTY of opportunities to grow closer as we have faced challenges that seemed insurmountable and come out on top, together. His leadership has improved, he is consistent and thoughtful now in ways he wasn't before. Because of this, my submission has deepened with his gentle(and sometimes not so gentle!) encouragement. I find it easier to comply without always giving him my 2 cents, and am left feeling content and grateful for his direction rather than unheard and slighted.
 Because of the increase in my positive attitudes and behaviors, and the decrease in my unwanted attitudes and behaviors, things have changed spanking-wise. Ash no longer considers it wise to spank the way he did before, when I am really doing pretty well. He has also learned to use alternative punishments when he feels they are appropriate, such as corner time, early bedtime, restriction from certain things I love, etc. So now it's only once or twice a week that I am spanked until I'm pretty much incoherently sobbing. Lucky for my butt, I'm a big baby and it doesn't take much to make me cry!

In fact, if I go too long between the hard whoopins, I start to cry at really dumb things(needless to say I cried a lot at the stupidest things all summer!). It's awfully embarrassing too because of course Ash always notices and knows exactly what's wrong and how to fix it. It is very humbling to admit out loud that I need him to do what he does so well.
Now, as for the title of this post. I find myself occasionally wanting to "poke" my bear of a husband(who seriously growls at me in his sleep sometimes! It's adorable.)even despite getting adequate attention and discipline. I am not allowed to stick my tongue out at him, roll my eyes, or be sarcastic to him. But sometimes I just want to so bad! I gave in to that feeling tonight before I could think better of it, even though my bottom is still glowing red from this morning, and briefly stuck my tongue out at him. He just went about his business! I pondered that for a moment, unsure of how I felt about that.

Do I do a happy dance 'cause I got away with it? Do I feel hurt that he didn't care to correct me? Am I too much work for him?

I decided I wasn't exactly happy with myself for doing it, and not happy he let it go either, so I talked with him about it. Turns out he didn't see it, but he thanked me for telling on myself again(which I always do, for better or for worse!)and then used the horrid plastic spoon full of holes to remind me that my tongue belongs many places, but sticking out at him isn't one of them!
 I guess I am wondering if any of you ladies out there ever feel this way, even when things are going well. And if so, is it "bratting"? Even if it's a split-second, almost unconscious decision? Is there anything that helps you not to do this? I would never plot to get my husband's attention by acting badly on purpose, don't get me wrong. Sometimes the little girl in me just wants to be naughty, and shoves the adult aside.

Maybe I should download this card into my brain and give little me and big me each a copy!

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Return of Everyday Spankings

Fall is almost here! It is the best season of all time for many reasons, not the least of which is the more temperate weather and beautiful colors. I plan to spend most of my time for the next three months in a place that looks like this

Another great thing about Autumn is that the kids have all gone back to school, which means that Ash and I now have a couple hours each day together, kid-free.  And of course, that means lots more spankings for me.  Today was the first of many "good girl" spankings. Before you say "lucky girl!", let me explain. During the summer, I mostly just get punishment spankings and occasional stress relief or reconnection spankings. During the fall winter and spring, I get almost daily long, hard spankings (for me that's like 10 minutes or so) to keep me in an obedient and submissive mindset and to help me remember to be good, because I HATE punishments, even though they are no where near as hard or long. Ash calls these good girl spankings because they help me be his good girl.  I tried explaining what I think a good girl spanking should be (you know, not too hard, lots of sexy touching, etc.) but so far he's not so receptive to the idea. He likes his way better. Imagine that. On the bright side, when it's all over I do feel more connected to him and I have an easier time obeying and having a good attitude.
I am also very much looking forward to fall food! In the summer we keep things light with lots of fresh seasonal fruits and veggies and lean protein as the bulk of what we eat. But in the fall and winter there are so many possibilities, and I can use my oven again!


 I am in the process of writing a new book too. I got half way done with my last book before my computer crashed and I lost ALL my data. So this time, I keep back-ups! I have been writing fiction for a long time, and spanking fiction for about 10 years, but I've never considered publishing until recently. When I began blogging this time, it was with the intention of sharing some of that work, thus the blog title. But after reviewing some old stuff, I decided my style has changed for the better so I'm not sharing those! As I get further into the plot of my current work, I am hoping to post excerpts here to see what people think. I would love feedback, positive or negative, as long as it's constructive and honest :) I am having so much fun tapping into my inner magic for this story!  Hopefully I will be able to post more often now that I have my days somewhat to myself again too.

 Happy end of Summer!
May we all remember our blessings that they lessen our burdens.

Monday, August 18, 2014

I have missed blogland!

Things here have been good. I am not able to access the internet except for twice a week and some weeknights now due to my husband's work schedule though, so I have (obviously!) not been able to post or read much.  Plus I COMPLETELY broke my husband's phone that I use to go online on the weeknights.  It still works but the screen looks like this:

So it's a little difficult to see and comment without cutting myself! 

I tried a screen cover but there were too many glass shards for it to stick well :(  Oh well, at least I didn't get in trouble for breaking it. It really was an accident and I was crying as I told him what I did because I felt terrible. He assured me that it was no big deal, he loves me more than his phone, lol.  What I wanted to share tonight was a short "story" that I wrote for my husband a little while ago.  I was trying to explain how I was feeling at the time but I couldn't do it because it just upset me, so I had to pretend it wasn't me. I pretended that He and I were just character from one of my stories.  Can anyone here identify?

Once upon a time there was a woman who missed a Man. She was a slave who missed her Master, a pet who missed her Owner, a wife who missed her husband, a slut who missed being used, a naughty little girl who missed her strict disciplinarian, a submissive who missed her Sir, a queen who missed her King. She was used to having decisions made for her, being watched closely, and being given instructions and orders.  She was also accustomed to obeying this Man, for if she didn’t she knew that she would be punished.  You see, she loved this Man she missed more than anything in the whole world, and he loved her too.  He showed his love to her every day by seeing areas of her life that she struggled with and helping her change them.  More than just a Man, He was her creator too, molding and shaping her through loving discipline, helping her become the person they both knew she could be.  Now, I know it sounds like a lot of work that the Man was doing, and it was.  But it was not without benefit for Him as well. His woman could be whatever he needed her to be, he only had to command it. Helping His woman overcome her stumbling blocks in life made Him think about His own actions.  She always looked at Him with stars in her eyes, and truly if you asked her, she would tell you that the sun rose and set with Him.  The trust she put in Him to guide her through life made Him very aware of his own moral failures and triumphs, so that he too was constantly becoming a better person. 
But lately the Man had withdrawn a bit, not guiding and disciplining his woman the way he usually did. This made the woman begin to feel insecure about her place in the world. She knew that the Man loved her still, though he didn’t show it in all the ways he usually did.  But knowing and seeing are different things.  She wanted to be truthful to the Man when he asked her what was wrong, but she thought it would only upset him to hear the truth so she said “nothing”.  The woman tried her best to be patient and bide her time until the man returned to his true self, but emotions continued to overwhelm her.  Every time the Man failed to discipline or lecture or instruct her, a voice rang out in her head: “He doesn’t love you”.  Every time she lay in bed, unused, the voice repeated: “He doesn’t love you.” Her head knew this to be a lie, but her heart was not always so wise.  But still, she pushed the voice aside and after many tears, banished the voice again and again. 
At any command he gave her, her heart surged with happiness.  With every infrequent correction, she nearly swooned.  These things were tangible proof of his love! She would try harder to be patient and wait for him to come back to her. 
The End