Monday, July 3, 2017

Independence day

Well, apparently I have been too independent this past week. I think I am in for a discussion on how I don't need to "do it myself" all the time. Of course, words are not always involved in these talks except the usual, like OW!

Sunday, June 25, 2017

I am so in love with my daddy. He has been very attentive and sweet to me, especially the last several months. He is very accepting of my need for physical attention, whether it's hugs, cuddles, smacks, or kisses. There are times when I just want to be with him so much, and he never says it's too much for him. Of course, relationships, like everything in life, evolve....and my relationship with my husband is no exception. In the very beginning of our relationship we both struggled to see who would be alpha. I desperately wanted him to be, but I wasn't just going to hand it to him. We officially started DD about 5 years into our marriage, and it was pretty rocky at first due to my inability to communicate my feelings well, and the societal conditioning that my husband grew up with. There were times it was great, there was a time we gave it up, and a major crisis in our lives made us realize that we needed it back badly. We have both matured a lot and learned in the decade, and become more accepting of ourselves and each other. We still do DD, with lots of D/s incorporated.  Over the last 3 years or so, I have begun to think of him as Daddy. He takes care of me in many ways, and I really enjoy that I can be the silly playful girl that I am and not censor myself in any way around him. I really enjoy being his babygirl and knowing he is in charge and he's got me. There's more I want to say, but it can wait for another post 😊

Monday, May 29, 2017

Needy

I am finally in a place where I am mostly just accepting of my need for discipline. Sometimes it's frustrating, and sometimes, just briefly, I wish I didn't need it. But then I remember how strong and intimate my marriage is, and how much I continue to grow. It's not always easy to humble myself and accept it with grace and gratitude,  but I'm working on that. I don't enjoy the actual discipline, of course, because ouch! But the after-effects are great! What I am struggling with the most right now is asking for spankings when I need them, before corrective measures are necessary, and keeping my tone respectful at all times. My husband is great at pointing out when I'm not, but sometimes waits to correct me for too long, or lets me get away with it for fear of being too harsh and breaking my spirit(my words, not his-but I think he would agree). I wish he would be a bit more consistent with that, although we have both grown by leaps and bounds in this area in the last year. I have talked with him about it before, and it gets better for a while, but then life happens and we get busy, and sometimes I get the "he obviously doesn't care so why should I?" attitude, even though in my heart I know that's not true. We always sort it out, but I hope that someday we will be able to avoid that place. It helps that I go to him, more often than not, when I am feeling needy. I just wish he was psychic, and could tell what I need, and how much I need, without me having to say anything!

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Lucky Girl

Some days I realize just how blessed I am to have a husband who takes such good care of me. Some days I appreciate the ways he helps me make the best decisions and guides me to do what's best for me. But some days, I just want what I want and I don't want to answer to anybody. My inner brat kicks in and I throw a fit, or I feel a shift in me where I am taking control back, even if just emotionally.  But, one thing I've been working really hard on is communicating my feelings to my husband, in the moment as they're happening. In the past, I've distanced myself or just pretended I was fine, and only later admitted what was troubling me. But I've found there's far less drama and crying for me when I simply deal with things as they come up. If only I could stop my inner brat in her tracks more often......I always want to blame it on my Husband and say "If you were stricter with me maybe I'd be less bratty" but then when he is more strict I complain too. There is just no pleasing me I guess. But we have talked about doing maintenance more often in the future, and I think that will help. Life is just very busy, and our kids are always around, and at ages where them hearing anything has to be out of the question. But we do have a quiet implement, even though I hate it. I guess I really miss the days where he and I used to be at home together while the kids were at school. Now he doesn't work from home anymore and I also work full time, so there is very rarely a moment when we are alone together except in the car.  Luckily he is very good at helping me stay where I need to be verbally, but every once in a while, I think I need a "master reset", you know? On a happy note, we are making progress with our Christmas shopping and having a great time with our kiddos :)
Christmas is coming and I can't wait!

Friday, August 26, 2016

I'm Back!

Hello Blogland! How I've missed you!!!
I have spent the last year and a half wondering how everyone here was doing, and missing the understanding words of women who understand me. My separation from you all was a side effect of me taking some very much-needed time to work on my physical and emotional well-being, and I am now in a much better place than I've ever been.  I have lost 65 pounds and have become a runner and learned to practice yoga. My marriage is in a really great place, although we are just getting back into the swing of the more physical aspects of DD.  I asked to be spanked last night, and my wishes were happily granted.  My husband spanked me with a belt just until that pivotal moment before the tears began to flow, when true acceptance of my powerlessness sets in. It was just what I needed, even though I was tempted to ask for more later, but I was too sleepy.  I look forward to re-acquainting myself with Blogland and all of you, but that's all for now :)

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Life and Bruises

Man, life is sure happening.  This time of year is when we settle into new routines and enjoy earlier bedtimes.  There is  a definite chill in the air where I live, leaves are turning gorgeous colors, gardens are being harvested one last time.  Best of all, my husband has changed his schedule at work so that he's available more often....sometimes even when the kids are in school!  It's been great to hang out with him more, and he's definitely taken the opportunity to tease, torment, and satisfy me more often :) 

I don't know if this is normal or not, but usually beyond getting red, my bottom no longer marks, so we haven't seen bruises on me in quite a while.  But a few days ago, Ash decided to switch things up and made me spread my legs as I bent over the back of our big chair, so he could reach the inside of my cheeks, and thoroughly worked me over with the horrible holey plastic spoon.  He kept stopping to have me service him though, so I got mini breaks and didn't realize just how bad it had gotten back there.  I was sore for sure, even had to play on the tablet on my tummy, which I don't usually need to do.  But it didn't occur to me to look at the damage until the following day when I was exiting the shower(and then only cause it was still so tender!).  I was really surprised to find several tiny bruises on one side and a lemon-sized purple splotch on the other. Unfortunately, I think that area will soon be a bruise-free zone too like the rest of my bottom. It kind of sucks not having marks show up anymore, because when all that's left is a slight redness after a few hours, he might think he didn't do a good enough job!

I keep thinking of things I would like to post about, but only having internet access two days a week is cramping my style in that department, plus I'm super busy.  Managing the day to day kid stuff, serving my husband full time, and cooking all our food from scratch is about all I am up to right now anyway, so unfortunately all I have right now is mundane updates. I am still  slowly working on my novel, only about an hour a day, so I probably won't be finished for a year at this rate.  But the next time I post I should be in a place where I can include an interesting, if not spicy, excerpt.

Until then, I leave you with this loving image  :)


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Is it "Bratting", And is it Preventable?

Hello to everyone in the Land! I have enjoyed mostly lurking on your blogs lately, but I do miss commenting! I have very little time on the internet these days, as Ash has shifted my focus to other tasks and activities. In my last post, I was excited/nervous about the return of nearly everyday spankings since our little clan has gone back to school. Ash and I had both assumed that we'd just pick up where we left off in June and it would pretty much be the same: He spanks me long and hard at least 4 days a week.  But we didn't take into account the personal growth that has occurred in each of us individually and in our relationship.

The past 3 months have provided us with PLENTY of opportunities to grow closer as we have faced challenges that seemed insurmountable and come out on top, together. His leadership has improved, he is consistent and thoughtful now in ways he wasn't before. Because of this, my submission has deepened with his gentle(and sometimes not so gentle!) encouragement. I find it easier to comply without always giving him my 2 cents, and am left feeling content and grateful for his direction rather than unheard and slighted.
 Because of the increase in my positive attitudes and behaviors, and the decrease in my unwanted attitudes and behaviors, things have changed spanking-wise. Ash no longer considers it wise to spank the way he did before, when I am really doing pretty well. He has also learned to use alternative punishments when he feels they are appropriate, such as corner time, early bedtime, restriction from certain things I love, etc. So now it's only once or twice a week that I am spanked until I'm pretty much incoherently sobbing. Lucky for my butt, I'm a big baby and it doesn't take much to make me cry!



In fact, if I go too long between the hard whoopins, I start to cry at really dumb things(needless to say I cried a lot at the stupidest things all summer!). It's awfully embarrassing too because of course Ash always notices and knows exactly what's wrong and how to fix it. It is very humbling to admit out loud that I need him to do what he does so well.
Now, as for the title of this post. I find myself occasionally wanting to "poke" my bear of a husband(who seriously growls at me in his sleep sometimes! It's adorable.)even despite getting adequate attention and discipline. I am not allowed to stick my tongue out at him, roll my eyes, or be sarcastic to him. But sometimes I just want to so bad! I gave in to that feeling tonight before I could think better of it, even though my bottom is still glowing red from this morning, and briefly stuck my tongue out at him. He just went about his business! I pondered that for a moment, unsure of how I felt about that.

Do I do a happy dance 'cause I got away with it? Do I feel hurt that he didn't care to correct me? Am I too much work for him?

I decided I wasn't exactly happy with myself for doing it, and not happy he let it go either, so I talked with him about it. Turns out he didn't see it, but he thanked me for telling on myself again(which I always do, for better or for worse!)and then used the horrid plastic spoon full of holes to remind me that my tongue belongs many places, but sticking out at him isn't one of them!
 I guess I am wondering if any of you ladies out there ever feel this way, even when things are going well. And if so, is it "bratting"? Even if it's a split-second, almost unconscious decision? Is there anything that helps you not to do this? I would never plot to get my husband's attention by acting badly on purpose, don't get me wrong. Sometimes the little girl in me just wants to be naughty, and shoves the adult aside.


Maybe I should download this card into my brain and give little me and big me each a copy!