Sunday, December 11, 2016

Lucky Girl

Some days I realize just how blessed I am to have a husband who takes such good care of me. Some days I appreciate the ways he helps me make the best decisions and guides me to do what's best for me. But some days, I just want what I want and I don't want to answer to anybody. My inner brat kicks in and I throw a fit, or I feel a shift in me where I am taking control back, even if just emotionally.  But, one thing I've been working really hard on is communicating my feelings to my husband, in the moment as they're happening. In the past, I've distanced myself or just pretended I was fine, and only later admitted what was troubling me. But I've found there's far less drama and crying for me when I simply deal with things as they come up. If only I could stop my inner brat in her tracks more often......I always want to blame it on my Husband and say "If you were stricter with me maybe I'd be less bratty" but then when he is more strict I complain too. There is just no pleasing me I guess. But we have talked about doing maintenance more often in the future, and I think that will help. Life is just very busy, and our kids are always around, and at ages where them hearing anything has to be out of the question. But we do have a quiet implement, even though I hate it. I guess I really miss the days where he and I used to be at home together while the kids were at school. Now he doesn't work from home anymore and I also work full time, so there is very rarely a moment when we are alone together except in the car.  Luckily he is very good at helping me stay where I need to be verbally, but every once in a while, I think I need a "master reset", you know? On a happy note, we are making progress with our Christmas shopping and having a great time with our kiddos :)
Christmas is coming and I can't wait!

Friday, August 26, 2016

I'm Back!

Hello Blogland! How I've missed you!!!
I have spent the last year and a half wondering how everyone here was doing, and missing the understanding words of women who understand me. My separation from you all was a side effect of me taking some very much-needed time to work on my physical and emotional well-being, and I am now in a much better place than I've ever been.  I have lost 65 pounds and have become a runner and learned to practice yoga. My marriage is in a really great place, although we are just getting back into the swing of the more physical aspects of DD.  I asked to be spanked last night, and my wishes were happily granted.  My husband spanked me with a belt just until that pivotal moment before the tears began to flow, when true acceptance of my powerlessness sets in. It was just what I needed, even though I was tempted to ask for more later, but I was too sleepy.  I look forward to re-acquainting myself with Blogland and all of you, but that's all for now :)