Friday, March 28, 2014

What we go through

*update* Unfortunately, the site I was referencing here was taken down, so the links will never be operable. Sorry!

Hello to all of you wonderful people out there in blogland! Since my husband has moved his office to our home I have not been able to use the internet as much as I'd like (he needs ALL of the available bandwidth for his business activities during office hours unfortunately) and so I've had a bit of trouble keeping up with all of your blogs, and my own. So.....sorry for the delay, but here is the follow-up to my last post.

After some tough moments recently, I decided I wanted to do a little research on what has been described as the "emotional stages of spanking".  I did not find anything related to DD or adult activities other than a few articles on the physical aspects like warm-up, main spanking, then aftercare. But I did find a site that I really needed to read. I stayed up for two extra hours that night poring through it, and I had a much better understanding of myself after reading it. The article I sound most helpful is here and the main site is here.
(I realize that the "here" links above are disabled, however I am working on fixing the problem)

I know that for me, I am always a little reluctant and sometimes a little scared (only of the intensity of the pain, not my husband) before a spanking....even if it's one I asked for.  But after it's started I am usually so focused on the pain that I don't realize(or at least I have a hard time recalling afterwards) the feelings that I'm having about it, unless a spanking stops at a particular stage. For example, at some point during most spankings I've gotten, I get mad. I get mad at my husband for smacking so hard, for making me hold still....basically I am blaming my situation on him. I remember this clearly now because several times he has stopped a spanking at this stage.

 There is also a point where I begin to feel sorry for myself. This is usually when I begin to cry, and I think things like: why do I do things I know will get me in trouble; why can't he just scold me and send me to bed early; waaaahhhh...poor me.  Yes, I know it's ridiculous, but those are my honest thoughts and feelings laid bare for all to see :)

Rarely in the recent past has a spanking progressed past this point for us. Ash has told me that he feels that if he continues to spank much beyond when I start really sobbing that I might feel abused or scared of him. However, it has happened a couple of times. Both of those times, I began to feel less sorry for myself and more sorry for my behavior and that I upset him. I had a hard time stopping the tears even after the spanking was over because I really understood how much I had screwed up and was so grateful that he stepped in and helped fix everything with a paddle and some loving discipline.

I think that the reason this article was so helpful to me is because I didn't really realize that most of the times I cry, I am just feeling sorry for myself! Also, it was super helpful to have Ash read it because he dislikes it when I don't stop crying right after a spanking so it helped to explain to him that letting it all out is a good thing, rather than a bad thing(imo, anyway). I don't necessarily agree with every word in the article, nor every part of the many other articles there, but like with anything, I take away what I find helpful and leave the rest.
If anyone reading would like to comment on the feelings they have during spankings, and whether they feel certain stages or not I would be most interested to see what you all have to say!

 On a lighter note, I got some inspiration from EsMay's recent DIY implement tutorial and I made something new that Ash really likes and I really regret! It is a closed loop flogger made from 3/8" coax cable and it is very effective.
It looks like this, but it's black and has many more(and longer) loops


  1. That cable looks vicious!
    My emotions during spanking are totally different to yours, as we don't do disciplinary kind. I don't cry, though I struggle to process pain sometimes, and quite often end elated, which I think is the endorphins.
    However, if I let my mind wander, start to question what we're doing, then negativity and guilt sets in. I have to focus on the moment instead.

    1. Hi DF,
      It really is hard to take. Ash's idea of a warmup is to do the first ten strokes or so a touch lighter than the rest, so there really isn't one at all! I'm sorry that you feel guilt over ttwd, that's gotta be hard :-(

  2. I had some of these emotions yesterday when I got a spanking for saying no to SM. It had been a while since I'd had one and it left me feeling sad (but all is well now)

    I am glad you put the quip about the tutorial from EsMay. I had missed that post and she put it up because I asked her to! Now I need to buy some rope to make a flogger!

    sara :)

  3. Hi Sara,
    Sorry you had a not-for-fun spanking :-( Have fun making your flogger!

  4. Are you crazy!!!! Never ever make implements - they always come back to haunt you. Lol. I made (or tried) to make one of these. Ty asked me what I was doing so I showed him the picture. He finished up making it. I HATE it. At our review meeting, where we go over how things are doing and go over the rules, I took that implement off the table. I have never done that before or after. Usually it is a rule or something that I ask to change.
    The spanking and feelings will probably always be there. Depending on so many things, like why you are getting a spanking, if you feel like you deserve it or if you asked for it, and how the spanking is too long or too short or just right.
    I still will get angry with Ty and will want to punch him (I don't suggest that) and sometimes the spanking is such a feeling of release/relief. Hang in there and know that this all isn't easy for any of us. Sounds like you two are communicating really well and that is the big thing to making it all right.

    1. Hi Blondie,
      Crazy? I think more like certifiably insane! We don't really go over things unless there is a problem, and while I can ask for changes and provide reasons, he usually will find ways to adjust things so that what's in place will work better, or add more rules. Since this post though, he has only used the dreaded thing once, over my jeans and it was just a couple of warning swats. I think it scared him more than it affected me :)