Thursday, March 6, 2014

Expectations: Follow up to "Rights and Responsibilities" Post

Thank you to all who commented or emailed regarding the rights and responsibilities of each partner in a D/s or Hoh/tih relationship. Here is what I came up with after talking to you, reading, searching my heart, and discussing it with Ash:

What he expects from me:

*To trust him completely
*To obey him and follow all rules and guidelines set forth by him
*To speak and act with respect towards him at all times
*To be available sexually in any way, at anytime, and anywhere, trusting that he will be wise in his choices
*To be modest in public, and submissive to him only
*To keep up my appearance in a way that is attractive to him
*To remain soft, open, and vulnerable to him in my heart
*To communicate honestly when there is an issue of any sort
*To understand that I am ultimately in charge of my own happiness
*To accept any discipline he chooses to give

What I expect from him:

*To care for my mental, emotional, and physical well-being
*To protect, nurture and cherish me
*To use his power over me to help mold, shape and strengthen me so that I can become the best version of myself
*To discipline with love, knowing it won't always be easy
*To never purposefully withdraw from me as punishment
*To make his needs and opinions known to me, so I may use that knowledge to influence my decisions
*To be faithful and honest
*To take control from me so that I can be free to be my true self
*To be ultimately in charge of his own happiness
*To hold himself to a high standard
*To be consistent in his treatment of me

Do any of these things resonate with you? If you had to make a list, what would be on it? We plan to use this "checklist" as a tool to check in with each other periodically and assess how each of our needs are being met. Hopefully it will be a good thing :)


  1. These are great River. I can definitely relate to many of them on both sides. I make lists all the time. I have an extensive list of rules to follow which SM had me type up as he gave them to me. :)

    1. Thanks Sara :-) I am definitely a "list girl", lol

  2. I really loved your list, and loved that he wants you to be modest in public. I hear a lot of men lately say they want their women to show off as much as possible so as to make other men jealous, but that doesn't sit right with me at all. A real man in love, in my opinion, wants to keep what is his all to himself so that he is the only one that gets to enjoy the show. :)

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

    1. Hi EsMay,
      I have always thought it strange too when men want their partner to dress or act provocatively in public. To me that would be a cruel punishment, but to each his own :-)

  3. I think your list is spot-on. I actually tried to contribute when you were asking for suggestions, but I am new to the blog world and couldn't figure out how to successfully publish my comments. I just started a blog, as my husband and I just began our domestic discipline lifestyle 5 months ago. I would love to post your list on my blog. What is proper etiquette for that? Could I get your permission to share your list?

    1. Welcome Lenna! Please feel free to share and repost anything you find useful. I think proper etiquette for such things is to provide a link to the blog you get material from, but don't quote me on that :-) I look forward to visiting your blog, too.

  4. This is a FANTASTIC post River. I wish more people contributed! My husband and I had just this talk last night. I am going to bookmark this post to get us started. When I have my list I will come back and leave it as a comment.

    1. Thank you, *blush* I'm glad to hear you guys are talking about it! I look forward to seeing what you guys come up with :-)

  5. This is a FANTASTIC post River. My husband and I were just talking about this very thing last night. I do wish more people had contributed. I will use this post to get us going and then leave our "list" in the comments when we have it.