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I can't believe I didn't realize just how easy I had it! We had plenty of time for sex, spanking, cuddle time, everything. But now we are doing our best to squeeze it in. I only get to have him 4 nights a week, as his second job takes him away the other three nights :( So there are lots of quick half-spankings, groping in the hallways, sternly whispered lectures, and other overt signs that DD/D/s/ttwd is alive and well. And it is, really. I just suddenly find myself really wanting to challenge him!
It is so frustrating, because I know I shouldn't stick my tongue out at him, but I just get an overwhelming urge to do it, so sometimes I do. I know it's not in my best interest to refuse to answer the way he expects when he's HOLDING the paddle. But do I care? Apparently not. I am so frustrated with myself that I just don't know what to do. Why am I suddenly having such bratty impulses? Most of the time I am the mild-mannered good girl who serves her man respectfully. But sometimes, like daily, that girl goes away and the brat comes out.
Unfortunately, I think I know what will make The Brat go away(yes, I am giving that side of me a name now :) ) and that is an extra long, extra hard punishment that will leave me with no doubt as to who I am and how I am expected to behave. But.....I don't see how that is going to happen anytime soon. I would suggest alternative punishments to Ash, but he finds most of them "too childish for an adult"(his words).
Am I just being a big baby? Do I just need to suck it up and tell myself that if it sounds fun to do while Ash is around that I probably shouldn't do it? I don't know. Like I said, it only happens once or twice a day lately(although that is a lot, right?)that I have an irresistible urge to do something naughty. If anybody has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. If I am being a big spoiled weenie you should tell me that too. It's hard, sometimes to tell if you are just being self-indulgent or what.
I hope all of you out there is blogland are having a good week, and thanks for listening to me whine!
I know how much of a damper kids can put on the relationship. I would in some ways just chalk it up to your 'little' not getting enough time and attention and you just needing that something extra from Ash.
ReplyDeleteHi AB,
DeleteI think I do need extra attention right now, just not sure why. Poor Ash has heard "play with me!" a lot lately
:-)
Hey River...I have read of others who have 'bratted' in order to get attention from their HoH. My suggestion is to have a conversation with Ash and see if you two can't find a way to arrange some private time for regular maintenance. Sending lots of positive energy your way.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
Hi Cat,
DeleteI think it would be wise for us to schedule something, just have to figure out how. I haven't been intentionally bratting for attention, I have actually been asking for lots of attention and he's been good about giving it to me. There's just a seemingly immature part of me that is having some impulse control issues, to put it nicely :-)
Hey River! Been there. I'm going to email something to you. It may or may not help Ash understand. All these 'mini spankings' as I call them wake up the brat. They put 'her' on alert. Almost like a bummunity as I like to say. Mini spankings don't bring back the connection.
ReplyDeleteAnyway I get it....off to email
love
willie
Hi Willie,
DeleteInteresting theory, that mini spankings wake up the brat. I look forward to reading your email :-)
River, it’s lovely that your kids are there and you have much fun with them, but I am sorry for you and Ash, because the quality time just for the two of you is suddenly reduced to a late night edition.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you find a neat way through this. But apart from scheduling something this really is sort of tricky, with the kids around most times. And asking for attention sounds like the right thing to do, because it is not like bratting at all. Apart from it being obvious, that there is less time, is it maybe possible that you have this urge to challenge Ash, because you feel on a deeper level that there is suddenly far less time between him and you, even in the little moments? I mean, when hubby is too busy, this makes me uncomfortable and even though we spend time and connect, there is a huge difference between the busy times and those when you have much more time to be together.
Somehow I guess that you and Ash are going to arrange for a place and time pretty soon to ‘discuss matters’, because he will probably want to resolve this, too, and you seem to have a clear idea of what you need now. Maybe regular maintenance really is a way for you during summer, like Cat suggested. Sending lots of positive energy,
hugs
Nina
Hi Nina,
DeleteI think you're right about the fact that because there is less time for us, it is contributing to my need to challenge him. His work hours have increased by 15 hours a week recently also, temporarily thank goodness. I know we'll figure it out somehow :-)
Sounds like the kids are rubbing off on you... Lol Totally agree with Willie. We have set a specific date and time, every week for some alone time. We do whatever we have to do to have that time. For us, it's Tuesday night. We usually get 1-2 hours alone time. You might be surprised how many of your friends would like some alone time too (probably not for a spanking though). Friends would watch your kids and you can watch theirs. Or use in-laws, sleepovers, etc. I know, it's not easy. Believe me, we work hard to get this time but it is nice to know that we can count on that and that we both want it.
ReplyDeleteHi Blondie,
DeleteYou're right, we really do need to schedule something regular. It's just harder lately with his increased work hours, but anything is possible if you try, right?
Haha, that some-e-card is great! But, heck no, you do not need to "suck it up" and "move on." You can't help what you want--you deserve to get it! We all have ways of acting out when we don't get what we want--everyone does it, and it is not something that goes away with age. Frustration and longing comes out, one way or another. Some are just better at disguising it than others. I hope you can find some time to yourselves soon!
ReplyDeleteThanks Autumn, I'm glad you liked the e-card, it cracked me up a bit :-) And your comments made me feel better, because I was seriously thinking I was just an immature weiner (not that that's off the table, just not for this reason) :-)
Delete