Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Adjustments

So, how are things, you ask? Well, life is happening. Lots of kid's functions and extended-family drama. School's almost out, so there's lots of planning to do to keep those kiddos entertained and out of trouble! In my last post I told you that our D/s-DD dynamic was still going strong. That's still true. But I have learned some things about myself over the past couple weeks.
 I have learned that I need frequent reminders to submit to my husband, even when physical reminders aren't possible. Apparently I tend to get a little too independent when I only get spanked once every 9 days or so. Ash still smacks my butt frequently throughout the day, but there's a special, almost magical thing that happens when I am well-spanked. It seems to transform my attitude completely. I stop trying to figure things out on my own, I don't worry, I don't question him or try to get my way. For a few days after he holds me tightly and spanks away(as I cry and try my best to avoid the swats) I am gentle, peaceful, docile, obedient, happy.  I look to him for my answers, and ask for permission when I should.
I have learned that I get insecure when I think he may not be secure in his role. After many days of not experiencing his physical dominance much, I am not up for jokes about how he is willing to put up with a pile of laundry on the bed because he is just glad that he doesn't have to fold it. I don't react well when he tells me to get into position and I do it halfway and he lets it go. Little things can put me in a very vulnerable and sad place. So I had to write him a letter and explain, because to a normal person, joking about laundry does not make them question their role in a relationship. Of course he knew that he could command that I find a way to keep up on all the chores I usually do despite the extra demands on my time, I just needed to hear him say that he was being mindful of my needs and limits. We both learned while leniency may seem kind, it's not what I need.
Like all good things, our relationship is constantly evolving and growing. I consider my husband my partner, my love, my Dom, Hoh, Master. I have learned that I really get joy from serving him too, and things are so peaceful between us. Even when I accidentally create drama, he takes care of it and it's over before it starts. I feel so blessed to be married to such a man, that understands me so well, and continues to work at doing so.
Life is truly crazy and busy and messy. But how boring would it be otherwise? :)

14 comments:

  1. Oh you are so not alone in any of those feelings River!

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    1. Aw, thanks Willie. It's nice to know you're not the only one! :)

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  2. I do understand all these feelings. Even though I con't get Nick into discipline I still know that feeling of peace and contentment after a good spanking. In my case I think it's just that I feel loved and cared for because he took the time to connect with me in the way he knows I need it.

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    1. Yep, I think it all boils down to that: feeling loved and cared for :-)

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  3. River, I am completely with you. What you write is exactly what it is like for me, too. I mean, in a way, I like it when hubby is lenient, but it does me no good at all. During pregnancy there are limits and I am very grateful that hubby isn’t really strict with me now, sure.
    But in general, if hubby is inconsistent or I get the feeling that he is not in control, the erratic part in me comes up, not immediately, but it slowly builds up and this weakens our connection. You wrote you become more independent, and I think that’s one part, and somehow I always have the feeling this is also like building layers to hide feelings behind. I dislike that and cannot solve it on my own. I think that it is lovely that you could communicate Ash what you needed. I do not only mean spanking with that, I also mean hearing the right words, the reassurance that you are both on the same page, in the right moment. That’s lovely.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Hi Nina,
      I agree that the "independence" I experience in those times is similar to building walls. I guess I would be more accurate if I said that I was distancing. Thankfully, when this happens, he notices right away. He gives me some space to process, but its never long before he forces a "confession" from me if I'm not forthcoming :-)

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  4. Well I think it sounds pretty nice where you guys are at despite the business and craziness that is life. :) Are you ready for kids being home all summer?

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    1. It is nice, but, um....big fat NO to being ready for summer vacation! Our oldest is already done, but we have a few weeks yet until the boys are home for the summer :-)

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  5. Being consistent is what I need. Going too long between spankings really is not good for me either. I like summer much better than winter because the kids are always busy working, going places and not wanting to hang out at home. Winter, when everyone is stuck inside because of the rain is when things start falling apart for us. And all the end of school year stuff is killing me. Why does everything have to happen at the same time.
    Hope all goes well and I am so happy to know that you and Ash are working well together

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    1. Hi Blondie,
      I hope things wrap up quickly for you with end of the school year stuff. Changes are good but rough, hang in there :-)

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  6. Seems like you guys are in a good place, River. :) That consistency thing is not easy sometimes. I tend to just try to accept it when it comes up, and perhaps I will mention that I could use a spanking. Sometimes life seems to just get in the way. Still, there is nothing like a good spanking to get us back on track! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Thanks Katie,
      We are doing pretty well with our dynamic. Life does definitely get in the way, but we deal with it together :-)

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