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The past 3 months have provided us with PLENTY of opportunities to grow closer as we have faced challenges that seemed insurmountable and come out on top, together. His leadership has improved, he is consistent and thoughtful now in ways he wasn't before. Because of this, my submission has deepened with his gentle(and sometimes not so gentle!) encouragement. I find it easier to comply without always giving him my 2 cents, and am left feeling content and grateful for his direction rather than unheard and slighted.
Because of the increase in my positive attitudes and behaviors, and the decrease in my unwanted attitudes and behaviors, things have changed spanking-wise. Ash no longer considers it wise to spank the way he did before, when I am really doing pretty well. He has also learned to use alternative punishments when he feels they are appropriate, such as corner time, early bedtime, restriction from certain things I love, etc. So now it's only once or twice a week that I am spanked until I'm pretty much incoherently sobbing. Lucky for my butt, I'm a big baby and it doesn't take much to make me cry!
In fact, if I go too long between the hard whoopins, I start to cry at really dumb things(needless to say I cried a lot at the stupidest things all summer!). It's awfully embarrassing too because of course Ash always notices and knows exactly what's wrong and how to fix it. It is very humbling to admit out loud that I need him to do what he does so well.
Now, as for the title of this post. I find myself occasionally wanting to "poke" my bear of a husband(who seriously growls at me in his sleep sometimes! It's adorable.)even despite getting adequate attention and discipline. I am not allowed to stick my tongue out at him, roll my eyes, or be sarcastic to him. But sometimes I just want to so bad! I gave in to that feeling tonight before I could think better of it, even though my bottom is still glowing red from this morning, and briefly stuck my tongue out at him. He just went about his business! I pondered that for a moment, unsure of how I felt about that.
Do I do a happy dance 'cause I got away with it? Do I feel hurt that he didn't care to correct me? Am I too much work for him?
I decided I wasn't exactly happy with myself for doing it, and not happy he let it go either, so I talked with him about it. Turns out he didn't see it, but he thanked me for telling on myself again(which I always do, for better or for worse!)and then used the horrid plastic spoon full of holes to remind me that my tongue belongs many places, but sticking out at him isn't one of them!
I guess I am wondering if any of you ladies out there ever feel this way, even when things are going well. And if so, is it "bratting"? Even if it's a split-second, almost unconscious decision? Is there anything that helps you not to do this? I would never plot to get my husband's attention by acting badly on purpose, don't get me wrong. Sometimes the little girl in me just wants to be naughty, and shoves the adult aside.
Maybe I should download this card into my brain and give little me and big me each a copy!
Hi River, :) I liked your post. You raised interesting questions.
ReplyDeleteFirst up, I am glad that things are going so well for you and Ash! It is really hard to get that privacy in the summer. It is something that Rob and I struggle with year round actually. We used to have our kids all out at school and work in the morning. Our daughter goes off to high school now, but our son is a waiter and works lunch and dinner shifts. So our mornings of last year are no longer private. We manage to find time where we can. It is findable. As you point out. But I loved what you said about using the time to find opportunities for growth in spite of it all. Great stuff!! :)
Bratting. I'm just one person in the land of many. I don't tend to do it. There have been times that I have more, kind of tested the waters. I tend not to do it much. I get into enough mischief without having to try I think. LOL!
Once I met up with Lexi from the land, and we chatted away. I told her that on this particular day, Rob had asked me to make some phone calls and I did not do them. She asked me if I was bratting, as I recall. You know, I felt horrible about that. I don't usually do it. I think that I was more testing. But I went home and told Rob. You know, he doesn't always spank, and that is ok with me. If he says he will, he always follows through. But he doesn't necessarily spank for everything. Anyway, it is something that perhaps would be a good thing to talk to Ash about. Ask him how he feels. The talking thing is the most important. You have to figure out what works for you both moving forward. That tends to change over time too. Do you need more attention? If yes is the answer than cool! Tell him. I tell Rob now. "I could use a spanking" or "I could use a hug". Usually he knows already, but our guys are human. They can't always get it right. It's ok. Great post! Many hugs,
<3 Katie
Hi Katie,
DeleteI do try to communicate to Ash when I need more attention, but sometimes I find myself keeping quiet, not wanting to appear too needy because he does so much for me already! I guess that is probably a prideful thing to do, which is obviously not good. Thank you for making me think about that :)
River
Hi River, I think it is awesome that you and Ash have grown together so much and as individuals, too. Hmm, if I got that right, the change in how you need discipline has changed and the time periods in between leave you emotionally more sensitive, so that you ask Ash for helping out. I fully understand that this appears as something embarrassing in some moments, buuut, is it maybe possible that Ash doesn’t think this way at all? I think what you actually do is that you show yourself vulnerable and open, which is the opposite of embarrassing. Instead, for me it sounds like something very beautiful and something that Ash probably cherishes a lot.
ReplyDeleteUhm, I don’t know whether Ash reads the comments section, but I’d say sticking out the tongue, eye-rolling and things like that can be a little bit on the bratty side. :) Then again, I also understand it often enough just as teasing a little. Here, some of how this is dealt with depends on the situation, but just like you, I would expect some kind of reaction.
Over time these little moments have become far less here, and sometimes hubby does not do more than warn me. Sometimes, it is just this split second when you are maybe not even aware of doing something, like rolling your eyes. Long long ago I did that far too often and this really brought me into trouble, as I did not show respect the way I should. …And I learned to be better. Not perfect (haha) but much better. I think what helped more than the spankings was actually that hubby simply did not like it, because it was connected to showing respect and he is a little touchy there. So, I’d say, many times this can be controlled, but sometimes, the little girl simply wants to stroll about …. maybe waiting for action. :)
hugs
Nina
Hi Nina,
DeleteYou are totally right, Those little moments catch me off guard as much as they do him sometimes, and I shock myself with my behavior too! These moments have steadily declined, but the part that bothers me is that they still catch me unawares at times. Respect is a BIG thing with Ash too, so I do try.....I think I just need to work on my overall attitude daily, because in the right mindset submission is almost easy :)
Well here is what I think ( and considering my head is full of snot and what isn't congested is swimming with barely a coherent thought, this might make no sense what-so-ever)...you are over thinking this.
ReplyDeleteThe question shouldn't be why you feel you do this. Who cares? You weren't being a b*tch. Sure sticking your tongue out is disrespectful, HOWEVER your *OTHER* reaction is more important. You have already acknowledged that you have a little girl, naughty streak..who among us doesn't? The thing is every one's husband is different. Some don't mind the stinking out of the tongue, some do. The important thing is how you felt AFTER.
Bratting ( IMHO ) would mean you would be angry at your husband for not taking you in hand-You do it purposefully for a reaction. You didn't control your impulse, and that was a mistake, but you felt guilt after. I don't think there is a whole lot of guilt associated with bratting actions.
Do I poke the bear? Yup, I've done it and probably always will. Tip toeing along that line is playful at times. Do I do it with venom or malintent ? Nope. Do I brat? No I don't consider what I do bratting, and more importantly neither does Barney. I think bratting is a conscious decision to get a negative reaction. I think despite what those who do it think, it is detrimental to the dynamic. Neither of which these things appeared to happen at your house.
But then again, I'm high on cold meds! LOL
love
willie
Hi Willie,
DeleteI'm sorry for your cold! Being sick really sucks. Thank you so much for chiming in, I think of you as the voice of reason :-) You are really good at being objective about things. I guess intent has a lot to do with it, huh? I agree that sometimes I dip my toss over the line when being playful, but I guess I get caught up in the moment or something. Now to focus on impulse control......
Story of my life! I think we all "poke the bear" at times, and then we get disappointed when we get away with it. I also try very hard not to "brat" because I really dislike that sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteRecently, I've been told I cannot roll my eyes anymore, which made me realize HOW OFTEN I roll my eyes. It is an incredibly difficult habit to break, and I now catch myself doing it more often than he does. Those times when I catch it and he doesn't, I think the inevitable "Does he care anymore?"
Turns out, he really does miss it sometimes! But I'll also accidentally "tell on" myself by reacting to my own eye-rolling.
Hi Autumn,
DeleteEye rolling was a big thing here too, and it was one of my first rules. I am also expected to tell on myself every time I do something I shouldn't :-( but if I didn't I think the guilt would eat me alive, so it's for the best. At least I'm not the only one!
Yeah, I'm a total pariah...
ReplyDeleteyet, I'm going to Seventh-Heaven.
Where you going?
If 1-outta-1 bites-the-dust
and if you dont yet know,
lemme show you how to wiseabove...
DATS D'FAK, Jak:
When our soul leaves our body
and we riseabove to meet our Maker,
only four, last things remain:
death, judgement, Heaven or Hell.
(which is exactly what happened to me:
Im an NDE - my colorFULL nomenclature).
Find-out what RCIA is and join
(ya might wanna check-out
'Lui et Moi' by Gabrielle Bossis -
a French writer, translated;
a wonderfull novel which'll
ROCK, YOUR, WORLD, earthling).
Make Your Choice -SAW
Google+: kold_kadavr_ flatliner
The term 'FEAR GOD' simply means
DeleteAWE and RESPECT which most of
U.S. have lost due to the
horrific nature of abortion.
FEAR GOD, mortal, and join this
sinfull mortal Upstairs when we
perish; honor N respect Jesus or
He wont do likewise at death's hour:
Only 2 realms after our
lifelong demise, folks...
and 1 of em aint too cool.
SOLUTION?
Take RCIA.
The term 'FEAR GOD' simply means
DeleteAWE and RESPECT which most of
U.S. have lost due to the
horrific nature of abortion.
FEAR GOD, mortal, and join this
sinfull mortal Upstairs when we
perish; honor N respect Jesus or
He wont do likewise at death's hour:
Only 2 realms after our
lifelong demise, folks...
and 1 of em aint too cool.
SOLUTION?
Take RCIA.
Yeah, I'm a total pariah...
ReplyDeleteyet, I'm going to Seventh-Heaven.
Where you going?
If 1-outta-1 bites-the-dust
and if you dont yet know,
lemme show you how to wiseabove...
DATS D'FAK, Jak:
When our soul leaves our body
and we riseabove to meet our Maker,
only four, last things remain:
death, judgement, Heaven or Hell.
(which is exactly what happened to me:
Im an NDE - my colorFULL nomenclature).
Find-out what RCIA is and join
(ya might wanna check-out
'Lui et Moi' by Gabrielle Bossis -
a French writer, translated;
a wonderfull novel which'll
ROCK, YOUR, WORLD, earthling).
Make Your Choice -SAW
Google+: kold_kadavr_ flatliner