Hello to everyone in the Land! I have enjoyed mostly lurking on your blogs lately, but I do miss commenting! I have very little time on the internet these days, as Ash has shifted my focus to other tasks and activities. In my last post, I was excited/nervous about the return of nearly everyday spankings since our little clan has gone back to school. Ash and I had both assumed that we'd just pick up where we left off in June and it would pretty much be the same: He spanks me long and hard at least 4 days a week. But we didn't take into account the personal growth that has occurred in each of us individually and in our relationship.
The past 3 months have provided us with PLENTY of opportunities to grow closer as we have faced challenges that seemed insurmountable and come out on top, together. His leadership has improved, he is consistent and thoughtful now in ways he wasn't before. Because of this, my submission has deepened with his gentle(and sometimes not so gentle!) encouragement. I find it easier to comply without always giving him my 2 cents, and am left feeling content and grateful for his direction rather than unheard and slighted.
Because of the increase in my positive attitudes and behaviors, and the decrease in my unwanted attitudes and behaviors, things have changed spanking-wise. Ash no longer considers it wise to spank the way he did before, when I am really doing pretty well. He has also learned to use alternative punishments when he feels they are appropriate, such as corner time, early bedtime, restriction from certain things I love, etc. So now it's only once or twice a week that I am spanked until I'm pretty much incoherently sobbing. Lucky for my butt, I'm a big baby and it doesn't take much to make me cry!
In fact, if I go too long between the hard whoopins, I start to cry at really dumb things(needless to say I cried a lot at the stupidest things all summer!). It's awfully embarrassing too because of course Ash always notices and knows exactly what's wrong and how to fix it. It is very humbling to admit out loud that I need him to do what he does so well.
Now, as for the title of this post. I find myself occasionally wanting to "poke" my bear of a husband(who seriously growls at me in his sleep sometimes! It's adorable.)even despite getting adequate attention and discipline. I am not allowed to stick my tongue out at him, roll my eyes, or be sarcastic to him. But sometimes I just want to so bad! I gave in to that feeling tonight before I could think better of it, even though my bottom is still glowing red from this morning, and briefly stuck my tongue out at him. He just went about his business! I pondered that for a moment, unsure of how I felt about that.
Do I do a happy dance 'cause I got away with it? Do I feel hurt that he didn't care to correct me? Am I too much work for him?
I decided I wasn't exactly happy with myself for doing it, and not happy he let it go either, so I talked with him about it. Turns out he didn't see it, but he thanked me for telling on myself again(which I always do, for better or for worse!)and then used the horrid plastic spoon full of holes to remind me that my tongue belongs many places, but sticking out at him isn't one of them!
I guess I am wondering if any of you ladies out there ever feel this way, even when things are going well. And if so, is it "bratting"? Even if it's a split-second, almost unconscious decision? Is there anything that helps you not to do this? I would never plot to get my husband's attention by acting badly on purpose, don't get me wrong. Sometimes the little girl in me just wants to be naughty, and shoves the adult aside.
Maybe I should download this card into my brain and give little me and big me each a copy!
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