Monday, August 18, 2014

I have missed blogland!

Things here have been good. I am not able to access the internet except for twice a week and some weeknights now due to my husband's work schedule though, so I have (obviously!) not been able to post or read much.  Plus I COMPLETELY broke my husband's phone that I use to go online on the weeknights.  It still works but the screen looks like this:

So it's a little difficult to see and comment without cutting myself! 

I tried a screen cover but there were too many glass shards for it to stick well :(  Oh well, at least I didn't get in trouble for breaking it. It really was an accident and I was crying as I told him what I did because I felt terrible. He assured me that it was no big deal, he loves me more than his phone, lol.  What I wanted to share tonight was a short "story" that I wrote for my husband a little while ago.  I was trying to explain how I was feeling at the time but I couldn't do it because it just upset me, so I had to pretend it wasn't me. I pretended that He and I were just character from one of my stories.  Can anyone here identify?




Once upon a time there was a woman who missed a Man. She was a slave who missed her Master, a pet who missed her Owner, a wife who missed her husband, a slut who missed being used, a naughty little girl who missed her strict disciplinarian, a submissive who missed her Sir, a queen who missed her King. She was used to having decisions made for her, being watched closely, and being given instructions and orders.  She was also accustomed to obeying this Man, for if she didn’t she knew that she would be punished.  You see, she loved this Man she missed more than anything in the whole world, and he loved her too.  He showed his love to her every day by seeing areas of her life that she struggled with and helping her change them.  More than just a Man, He was her creator too, molding and shaping her through loving discipline, helping her become the person they both knew she could be.  Now, I know it sounds like a lot of work that the Man was doing, and it was.  But it was not without benefit for Him as well. His woman could be whatever he needed her to be, he only had to command it. Helping His woman overcome her stumbling blocks in life made Him think about His own actions.  She always looked at Him with stars in her eyes, and truly if you asked her, she would tell you that the sun rose and set with Him.  The trust she put in Him to guide her through life made Him very aware of his own moral failures and triumphs, so that he too was constantly becoming a better person. 
But lately the Man had withdrawn a bit, not guiding and disciplining his woman the way he usually did. This made the woman begin to feel insecure about her place in the world. She knew that the Man loved her still, though he didn’t show it in all the ways he usually did.  But knowing and seeing are different things.  She wanted to be truthful to the Man when he asked her what was wrong, but she thought it would only upset him to hear the truth so she said “nothing”.  The woman tried her best to be patient and bide her time until the man returned to his true self, but emotions continued to overwhelm her.  Every time the Man failed to discipline or lecture or instruct her, a voice rang out in her head: “He doesn’t love you”.  Every time she lay in bed, unused, the voice repeated: “He doesn’t love you.” Her head knew this to be a lie, but her heart was not always so wise.  But still, she pushed the voice aside and after many tears, banished the voice again and again. 
At any command he gave her, her heart surged with happiness.  With every infrequent correction, she nearly swooned.  These things were tangible proof of his love! She would try harder to be patient and wait for him to come back to her. 
The End

12 comments:

  1. River, I am happy for you having a good time and it is so great to have news from you, too. The broken phone sucks and I hope that this can be fixed, that would be neat. The story you wrote is absolutely awesome. I loved every word of it and kept nodding all the time, because in a way you wrote down so much of what is important between hubby and me, too. You wrote so much of how it feels to be able to rely on a husband we know we can trust and who helps us grow so much. This is lovely.
    I absolutely enjoyed reading your story, and the beginning already made me smile, because I love that you showed all the different kinds of woman, too. The way you show how ‘this woman’ felt because her owner had withdrawn a little, is so clear and what she is looking and waiting for, is something I get so well, too. I am curious what Ash said. As a declaration of your love it would bring me to tears immediately, because for me this is so beautiful. But you also described your needs and what you long for so crystal clear and in a very encouraging way, because you want Ash to act on it. You really leave me positively speechless with it and I wish I could do it that way too.

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Nina you are too sweet! I'm glad you understood so well what I meant in my story. Ash was very grateful for it because for a long while (weeks really, but it seemed much longer!) I was so very emotional and things that most people wouldn't notice at all could make me cry for the whole day. I used to think sometimes that he didn't truly understand the depth of my need for him, but he's proven that he does. Thank you for being such a sweet friend!

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  2. So glad to see you back. It's really hard when you can't get on line. I liked your story, I certainly understand it. I too know my husband love me very, very much. But actions speak so much louder than words! I need more action.

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    1. Thanks PK,
      It's great to be back, even if just sporadically. I knew you guys would all understand the need for action :-) Here's hoping more action comes your way!

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  3. I hope things get better and yes I can relate my friend. I have a new blog (justhissubwife) has moved to http:/rayningsunflower.blogspot.com it's a long story why the move. I hope you have a good week.

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    1. Hi Raine,
      I'm glad you understand, and things did improve so much after that. Thank you for the link to the new blog!

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  4. Hey River...happy to see you back...even if it's just for a bit. Sorry you broke your husband's phone...hope you can get a new one soon...meanwhile, be careful and don't cut your fingers! Thanks for sharing your story...did it help your husband understand what you were going through?

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat,
      Thanks, it's great to be back! It really did help him understand how I felt :-)

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  5. Urgh. I did the same thing to our Blackberry. Not the glass shard thing, but the broken display behind it~ So angry with myself about it!

    Did you ever notice that if our men are 'coasting along' and we aren't engaged in the community too, things seem infinitely worse? I mean there are times that reading or chatting isn't great when we aren't in a good place either~ but having no outlet SUCKS!

    Dump in me in the pile with the rest of the women who understand exactly what you are talking about. In fact we'd all do well to share this with our husbands.

    Hope you return to 'active duty' soon. In all fronts.

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    1. Hi Willie,
      It's great to hear from you! Sorry about your blackberry :-( I definitely agree that things get worse without the outlet of Blogland. Even when things are not at their best here, reading and talking with you guys really helps me to keep working on my submission regardless of the amount of leadership I'm bring given. After I shared this with him, Ash understood much better what kind of impact his leadership or lack thereof has on me. I do hope that if anyone finds something worth sharing in anything I have to say, that you feel free to take it, refine and edit it to fit you if need be. I often pull up a page that resonates with me and copy down the parts I find most relevant too show Ash. I do hope that you and yours are all doing well up north! Thanks for stopping by :-)

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  6. HUGS River! :) Sorry about your broken phone. Our youngest dropped hers on the tile the other day and experienced the same. We found a kiosk in a mall that replaced the glass- it was cheaper than the price of a new one. Rob told her that she is on her own the next time. Anyway, hope that idea helps.

    It's hard when our guys step back and are not on top of things in this way. I am glad to hear that you shared and that it helped. Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi Katie,
      How nice of you guys too help your daughter with her phone :-) I would replace the glass if it were a regular phone, but we mainly use it like a tablet and with back to school shopping there is no extra $$ to waste on something like that. But thank you for the idea!
      Love, river

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