What has gotten in to me?

Summer is here, hooray! Time for shorts and sunbathing and bbq and margaritas on the porch. Also, time for the kids to be home ALL DAY LONG. Which, honestly, I mostly love. I enjoy hanging out with them, teaching them new things and talking about random and not-so-random things. They are a fun little group. But alas, I was spoiled during the school year and had my Husband to myself for a few hours every day, without my kiddos. So now that they are home practically 24/7, there is no real alone time for my Husband and I except after 10:30, by which time we are both pretty tired.

I can't believe I didn't realize just how easy I had it! We had plenty of time for sex, spanking, cuddle time, everything. But now we are doing our best to squeeze it in. I only get to have him 4 nights a week, as his second job takes him away the other three nights :(  So there are lots of quick half-spankings, groping in the hallways, sternly whispered lectures, and other overt signs that DD/D/s/ttwd is alive and well. And it is, really. I just suddenly find myself really wanting to challenge him!

It is so frustrating, because I know I shouldn't stick my tongue out at him, but I just get an overwhelming urge to do it, so sometimes I do. I know it's not in my best interest to refuse to answer the way he expects when he's HOLDING the paddle. But do I care? Apparently not. I am so frustrated with myself that I just don't know what to do. Why am I suddenly having such bratty impulses? Most of the time I am the mild-mannered good girl who serves her man respectfully. But sometimes, like daily, that girl goes away and the brat comes out.

Unfortunately, I think I know what will make The Brat go away(yes, I am giving that side of me a name now :) ) and that is an extra long, extra hard punishment that will leave me with no doubt as to who I am and how I am expected to behave. But.....I don't see how that is going to happen anytime soon. I would suggest alternative punishments to Ash, but he finds most of them "too childish for an adult"(his words).

Am I just being a big baby? Do I just need to suck it up and tell myself that if it sounds fun to do while Ash is around that I probably shouldn't do it? I don't know. Like I said, it only happens once or twice a day lately(although that is a lot, right?)that I have an irresistible urge to do something naughty. If anybody has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. If I am being a big spoiled weenie you should tell me that too. It's hard, sometimes to tell if you are just being self-indulgent or what.

I hope all of you out there is blogland are having a good week, and thanks for listening to me whine!

The Vagina Post

I had a conversation with a friend recently about vaginas. There may or may not have been alcohol involved. Here is a recap, to distract you from a million other things you could be doing!  :)

Who knew people were so creative with names for our girly parts?

Eeeeew! Do chickens even have vaginas?

Seriously, who comes up with this stuff?

Grooming 101?

Take it from Betty, she's one smart cookie

Q: Did you hear about the blind gynecologist? 
A: He could read lips!

 

 Isn't that how everyone deals with a bad day?!?

Not the color I would choose either......


Happy Tuesday!

Processing Events

Today has been a truly odd day. In fact this week has just been weird. Sunday night I got some bad news, and was in a very emotional, strange head space until Monday night. I talked to my Grandmother and she prayed with me, and just basically soothed my soul. And then there was today. My family is back to normal, as my sister's children have gone back home to live with their parents. Today Ash and I had the house to ourselves for the first time in over a month! Of course he had definite ideas on what we would be doing. I haven't been napping nearly often enough lately, so now that I can, he insisted that I take a nap. Normally I don't need much persuading, but I really wasn't that tired this morning. He tucked me in anyway. I tried to sleep, I really did. I dozed in and out and had just really fallen asleep when he came to wake me up. But even though I was now tired, I was more exited to spend the day with him so I got up and made lunch, then went to take a shower. He came upstairs when I got out and ordered me over the pillows for a long-awaited "real" spanking(instead of 10 quick hard paddle smacks that had been serving as a spanking during The Time of Many Children).
  I reminded him that it had been a while since we had done this and my bottom would greatly appreciate gentler treatment in the beginning. I told him this about 5 times from Monday night until that moment. He said he would start lighter, and began to smack away. Well, they weren't full force smacks, but they sure stung like crazy. I told him it hurt too much, but he remarked that he wasn't even smacking that hard yet. So after ten or fifteen of his "lighter" smacks, he went to town, hard and fast. I was sobbing instantly, and trying(but failing) to catch my breath. Part of the problem on my end was that my face was too close to one of the pillows, keeping me from breathing properly. He spanked me like that for about 2 minutes I think, but it felt like forever. He ended with his usual extra hard smacks, and then stopped.
After about 30 seconds, he asked me why I was crying, as he always does after I get spanked. I couldn't find any words, just tears. I cried for another couple of minutes before I could calm down enough to talk to him. 
He asked why I was so upset, what was wrong? He really had no clue. I told him that my feelings were hurt because he didn't pay attention to my request, and instead overwhelmed me with pain.  I told him that I realize it's not up to me how I am spanked(which he likes to remind me of), but that I was upset that he didn't realize how panicked I was, and I just really was hurt that he didn't take the time to do a warm up after so long of no real spanking. I am never given a warm up before a punishment, but he has slowly come around to giving them for most other spankings. This time I was not in trouble, it was just to reconnect.
By this time there was not too much sting left in my bottom, and I was just so sad and a little mad. I asked him if we could just start over, and please be more gentle in the beginning this time.
 He of course had apologized a bunch by now for making me feel that way, and he said he didn't realize I was panicked and unable to breathe because I kept my face in the pillow. He even asked if I wanted to give him swats so I would feel better. I chose not to. Then he agreed to start over.
This time was a lot easier to take of course, because of the previous spanking. He actually used his hand, which he has never done before aside from smacks here and there during the day. Then he progressed to using the black paddle again, with a much more gradual build up this time, then finishing in the usual way. I was crying again, and it took most of the afternoon to be able to stop. Even now as I write this I am tearing up and I can't sort out why I am still so upset. We both failed to communicate well here, and he didn't even leave a single mark, so it's not like he was too hard on me. It must just be life again.
A couple hours later we watched a horrible foreign film called "Martyrs", which I do not recommend(unless seriously maiming people is your thing). We did watch the whole thing, as it was like a train wreck and we just had to see what carnage was down the line. But as soon as it was over we deleted it! Then we went upstairs for some cuddle time, which in our house really means he pins me down and tickles me. That was fun :)
But now I am alone for the first time in a very long time. Ash is at his 2nd job and the kids are sleeping. I think I'm going to watch a Disney movie and go to bed early to rest up, as Ash has promised to work on his warm up skills and "help" me work on my communication skills all day tomorrow!