I Screwed Up!

This is me in the morning. I really, really and truly, loathe waking up early and getting out of my warm cozy bed. 

I get up before the sun M-F to prepare breakfast 3 different times and get children to where they need to be.  It's not too difficult, they are sooo worth it, and if I could change anything at all it would be the hour I get up. But, I am very much a night owl and I am just bad company in the morning. My family knows this so they don't try to strike up conversations with me till after the sunrise :)  In the last couple of months, however, Ash decided that just because I don't want to be awake doesn't mean I can be grumpy towards everyone so he is working with me on that. He's right of course, infuriatingly so.  But that doesn't make it any easier to smile and serve as soon as I get up. 

Being the wonderful man that my husband is, sometimes he lets me take naps in the morning. The other day after getting up at normal time and making breakfast for child #1(I think she shall be called SassyPants) I found out that the schools were on a 2 hour delay. So I got to go back to bed for a couple hours while Ash got up with the younger kids. I was in a deep sleep when he came to get me up saying "Honey I need you to get up right now. I started cooking but I don't know how to finish it and it's in the pan cooking....." I was disoriented and grumpy, but I got up and went to assess the damage. 

Before I tell you what I did(I can hear the gasps of shock and the tsk tsks already!) I just want you to know that I am claiming temporary insanity on this one. 

So I found that the meal hadn't been properly prepared or cooked, but I was able to save it. I started in on him right away. "Why did you start this when you clearly don't know what you are doing?" "What did I tell you about cooking this the last time you tried?" "Next time just come get me before you kill everything" These were all phrases I uttered angrily to him in the span of 2 minutes, ending with the finale: the dreaded and forbidden "W" word. "Whatever!"

All of this over him trying to be helpful and start something for me. When I used the "W" word, he got fed up and raised his voice just the teensiest bit, and ordered me to go sit down on the couch, saying I was being ridiculous and that he didn't need this right now. I knew right then what a witch-with-a-B I had been, and I was so sorry.  On top of that, I was hurt that he raised his voice to me. He doesn't yell, but I am a sensitive girl.

I knew better than to argue(finally, my first moment of sanity all day!)so I went and curled myself into a ball in the corner of the couch. I cried. He cooked. It felt like a time-out to me, and I was now in shock over my behavior. I was appalled and so ashamed. After 10 minutes or so he came to talk to me. I don't remember exactly what he said because I was still in a morning fog and also sobbing. But I remember him telling me that disrespect will not be tolerated, that I belong to him, and that he loves me. I was still so overwhelmed that I just wanted to be alone, so he let me go take a shower while he got the kids off to school. 

When I was done and dressed he was back and we talked. I was calmer and awake now, but still very shocked and horrified by my actions and feeling very guilty. He asked if I was upset with him, or scared because he "yelled" at me.

 Shock on top of shock I tell you!

 Upset with him? I explained to him that what he did was NOT yelling, and he was justified in his actions. It did hurt my feelings, but I was way out of line and I pushed him there. We made up and tried to go about our day, but as I was unloading the dishwasher he came up to me and said "You need a whoopin' don't you?"  Gosh! What does a girl say to that? I just nodded my head. He said " Ok, but you have to choose what I use. Make the right choice or this will be much worse for you."  I was soooo not expecting this! But I was pretty sure I knew what he wanted to hear, so I chose the big wood paddle he calls "The Motivator", which I Hate.  "Good choice" he said with a big grin.  So I was quite thoroughly "motivated".  But after it was over and he hugged me, all the guilt went away and we were both happy again. We went on to have a great day together :) Lovely how that works!

Btw- I do have a follow-up planned to my last post, "Rights and Responsibilities", I am just waiting on Ash to review it :)

Lessons on Forgetting

I can't believe what a wonderful man I am married too.  It shocks and awes me sometimes to know that he understands me so well, often better than I understand myself.  This morning after I got out of the shower(I was still in my towel)my husband waited until I was in a part of our bedroom with little room to move and got out the big scary wood paddle that he calls "The Motivator" and immediately began to spank me. Not incredibly hard, but fast.  No words, just spanking. I was in tears immediately for several reasons: I had been watching a sad show that morning so my tear ducts were primed, there was no warning so I wasn't mentally prepared for a spanking, it hurt, and I wasn't sure if I had done something to upset him. It took every ounce of self-control I had to stand there and take it.
 It lasted less than a minute but I was sobbing when it was over, and he held me.  Every time I am spanked and I cry he always asks me "Why are you crying?" not because he thinks I should toughen up but as a way to check in with me and make sure I'm okay.  This time I had a hard time calming down, I think due to the suddenness of it all.  After I was intelligible again he explained that he wasn't upset with me, it was just the promised continuation of a punishment from last night.
So the backstory: Last night at bedtime I was annoyed with something he was doing, and instead of communicating with him, I just did a bunch of huffy breaths and didn't want to talk.  Well folks, that is not allowed, but I guess I forgot that last night.  We were upstairs where all the bedrooms are so he just used a plastic hanger to spank me for a minute after he lectured me(and got me to talk) because it's a really quiet implement and it stings a lot.  After we were done and I apologized we got in bed and he said "You're lucky it was so late and the motivator was so loud. How's your butt?"  I told him it was fine, just a little warm, and he said "Well then maybe I'll just use it tomorrow."  I told him I hoped he would forget, then we went to bed.
Back to the present: So after my spanking this morning, he looked at me and told me "I just wanted you to know that I won't forget you," then hugged me.  It took me a good couple of minutes or so afterward to have those feelings of thankfulness bloom inside my heart, but bloom they did, as big as a dahlia.  As much as I hated that spanking, I appreciate that he did it, and why.  I am one lucky girl :)

Come on honey, you know you want to turn it pink!

Implements: do you have any that you either prefer or can't stand?  What's the strangest thing you've been spanked with? Either point of view(ladies or gents) welcome.  My husband is a creative guy when it comes to whacking my butt. I've been spanked with a hanger, an un-braided leather belt, a small fry pan, a metal spoon, a yardstick, a dowel rod, and a long extension piece of my vacuum!

My personal favorite right now is the black leather belt that my husband fashioned into a spanking strap just for me :x It has just the right combination of bite and thud, and pretty easy to deal with for a couple of minutes. 

 I also hate like the new large wooden spatula that I brought home as a present for him recently (if he uses it moderately--not when he goes hard and fast!).  It's about palm-sized and heavy for a kitchen item.  If I had know just how stingy this thing is I may not have purchased it :)  

My least favorite is the big scary wood paddle. It's about an inch thick, yikes! It is mainly used for the "short sharp shock" type of spanking, or to make a point at the end of one. And boy does it! I avoid this thing like the plague.  It's strange, but it makes my cheeks feel numb and bee-stung at the same time

We also have a black plastic paddle.  It was our very first implement.  My husband took me to a store one town over that sold exclusively lingerie and sex toys/accessories.  After he helped me pick out the paddle, he made me be the one to bring it up and hand it to the young male clerk so he could pay for it! I think that may have been the most embarrassing thing I ever had to do :"> I blush easily and I'm sure I was lobster colored until we got home.

That about sums up our "collection".  He used to use a hairbrush too but recently broke that one one me. Lately Ash has told me that he wants a bigger paddle with holes for when I am particularly snapish or attitudey (his words, not mine!) I would really prefer that we don't get one.  However, I have a feeling that it, or something else sinister is going to find its way to me soon because today he had me sit on his lap and asked if I was naughty or nice.  I couldn't help but tell him how 'naughty' I've been, and he said "What should a naughty girl get in her Christmas stocking?"  I answered with, "A lump of coal!"  He just shook his head and grinned (quite evilly if you ask me!). I was kidding of course but I got the distinct impression that he wasn't. 

My first "preemptive" spanking

The above picture is exactly how I was feeling when my husband told me to bend over the bed today.  I had just showered and was looking for clothes to wear while simultaneously picking up upstairs and doing laundry.  He had asked me what I was doing, and when I told him, his response was "Get on the bed, head down ass up."  "What?!" I asked,"I was just cleaning, and I wasn't trying to give you attitude!"  He never changes his mind once he thinks I need to be spanked, so I complied even though I thought it was totally unfair.  I heard him open the side table drawer, then some rummaging around.  Then, the first strike of the big wood paddle.  Frickin' ouch! That paddle is not my favorite, as it is almost an inch thick by 8 inches wide and 9 inches long, and it bruises almost every time he uses it.  I was in tears after the 5th or 6th swat.  It did hurt a lot, but I mostly cried because I felt like he was being unfair.  I didn't realize at the time that the

Asking for it

I got spanked today.  No, I wasn't in trouble, it was a "medicine" spanking.  I have a medical condition that causes severe pain in my muscles and joints, and there are few effective treatments for it.  The treatments there are happen to have pretty bad side effects as well, so I choose not to take them.  Quite by accident, I found out that when my husband spanks me (it has to be fairly hard and at least a couple of minutes) the pain in my joints is drastically reduced for at least several hours! I have no idea why this is so, or how it works but I am thankful to have a pain-reliever that has no harmful side effects. Yes, it hurts.  But I'll take a few minutes of hot buns to avoid raw aching pain all over with every move I make (but ask me right before i am to be spanked and I'm not so sure!)  So in order for me to live with as little pain as possible, he administers spankings to my bouncing behind at least every other day, sometimes multiple times in a day.